Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Gahdening 106 - or Kermit the Frog

OR The [Celebrated] Jumping Frog of New London County !!!

I was out in the gahden (Boston accent) the other day doing what all gardeners do... uh, gardening !!! Anyway, I was standing there scratching my head.... not because I was confused but because of the mosquito and tick population brought about by this "glorious" summer weather - can you say..... HUMIDITY ?!?!?! --- and what is the "Feels Like" temperature mean anyway ?!?!? 90 degrees and 100% humidity feels like Hades to me - not 102 degrees !!!!

Head scratching complete (until the next kamikaze mosquito makes his approach), I continued to gahden, bending over near the Cali/Nevada border to inspect Zucchiniville (ha, you thought I was going to scratch my butt - or other anatomy - WRONG !!!). All of a sudden........ BOING !!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE !?!?!?!?!

In one giant leap for frog-kind, 'Kermit THE Frog' nearly knocked me on my [butt] as he soared passed my proboscis - ok, so like a frog could have actually knocked me over... but he DID startle the bajesus out of me..... and ALMOST the [feces]!!!! He must have come from the Pacific (the stream that runs nearby) Jim Henson would have died !!! Uh.... sorry dude !!! Good thing it wasn't Miss Piggy !!!! Perhaps I should have stuck to scratching myself.

Heartbeat back to normal, I'm thinking that this isn't a good thing. So, I started to ponder how or WHY I am even in the gahdening "biz"..... I mean considering I'm "fighting" slugs, ants, chipmunks, a ghost, rain, wild bamboo and NOW Kermit... CRIKEY !!!! If Bambi even shows her face again, I'M THROUGH !!!!! Although..... veggies and venison.. HMMMMMMMMM

So, I relayed the "story" to good friend DeCAF (and actually threw in the Miss Piggy aside, but NOT the Jim Henson one - SURPRISE DeCaf !! I can't preview all my jokes) who promptly responded that perhaps frogs eat slugs.... DA DA DA DA !!!!! Google time !!!!!

I "raced" into the house to Google "garden frogs"..... sure as [feces], DeCAF hit the gahdener on the nose !!! (or whatever !!!) explained in no uncertain terms that frogs indeed DO eat slugs... AND people actually put them in their gardens on purpose to do just that... interesting concept... who'da guessed ????

HOWEVER !!!!!!!!! My smile turned upside down (or sideways at least - is that possible) as I googled further... Included in the "limited" list (it said" frogs will eat just about ANYTHING") of Froggy (ah, The Little Rascals) dietary supplements - NO.... NOT PEDs !!! are mice, their own young AND !! BUMBLE BEES !!!! DOUBLE CRIKEY !!!!! It says toads have the same dieting habits - and I've seen 2 of them suckahs !!!! TRIPLE and QUADRUPLE CRIKEY !!!!

I need those bumble bees to pollinate the veggie flowers !!!! No wonder the landlord told me that past inhabitants of the "farm" (homestead) never had a successful garden... Ok ok ok... KERMIE, there's a bagillion slugs around... SO LAY OFF THE BEES, K "BUDDY" !!! And.... please please PLEASE tell me you're NOT a vegetarian !!!!!!!!!!
And for the record guy, your "croaks" reverb like geese overhead.... uh, when Miss Piggy flies !!!!!!!!!!

-Nuf Ced


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