Saturday, July 11, 2009

ALVIN !!!!!!!!!!!! or Gardening 102

So I'm out in my garden (I know, recurring theme..... but gardening is a full-time "hobby") doing what all gardeners do - getting a "farmer's tan"!!!! NOT, I was topless on this beautiful day. Anyway, as I am admiring my handy work, something becomes painfully obvious..... Alvin, Simon and Theodore admire my vegetable menagerie too !!!!!!!!!!! I KNEW I should have picked up that BB gun at that yard sale a couple of weeks ago !!!!!!
As I'm piddling (NO I do NOT pee in my garden - often, at least) Alvin "Jumps up on a hickory stump and says 'Boy, let me tell you what'"..... oops, Charlie Daniels flashbacks, sorry !!!!!!
"Seriously" though, I was securing some plants and FIGHTING THAT DANG BAMBOO.... although, contrary to my son's opinion that "our" wild bamboo isn't "real" bamboo... I sawed down a couple of stalks that I could make a Kendo Stick out of that would put a smile on Shane McMahon's (WWE owner-to-be) face !!!!
So, I'm out in the "back 40" (or 6' x 25') doing my "thing" when out of the blue... uh, GREEN underbrush, this "cute" little chipmunk scurries along the west border of California (my garden's unofficial handle due to it's shape). As I continue about my business of trying to ensure a successful crop, Alvin continues about his business trying to determine a point of entry to decimate said veggie menagerie !!!! or perhaps it was Simon or Theodore... or all 3 as this "scenario" repeated itself several times.... I wonder if the "mouse blocks" work on Alvin and the gang.....
At one point, faithful companion, Snoopy (my beagle) got all up in "arms" near the basement door - my assumption here was that Alvin tried to infultrate the home-stead. Holy crappers, not only do I need to "fight" Mickey and Minnie in the house, but Alvin and the Chipmunks too ?!?!?!? This place is a rodent nightmare !!!!!!!!! If these boys get inside the house, some serious heads are gonna roll - hopefully THERE'S !!!!!
Hmmmmmmmmmm, I wonder if I can swing a deal with these guys.... stay out of the garden and the house and we can all sing Christmas carols by the firepit !!!!!!!!!!!

NOTE... and FYI... yellow jackets LOVE beer.... So, if you're ever drinking beer outside and you take a swig and it feels like it's crawling down your throat... spit it the hell out !!!!!!!! Better to abuse an ounce of alcohol than get stung on the tongue by a yellow jacket.... I personally haven't been stung yet but have "spit" probably a dozen would-be pains in the neck (or throat) out in my life!!!!!!!!!!

I do NOT make this stuff up !!!!

-Nuf Ced


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