Tuesday, September 29, 2009

More Than Sports

Reckless Randomness

You may or may not have noticed that I changed the description above... you know, right below the title... uh, see it up there??? "Dribs and drabs..." Got it? Good !!!... well, now that line ends with "reckless and random"... I know not everyone out there is a Sox fan.... "Sad But True" - Metallica !!!!... so, let's see if I can live up to that self-promo...

I'll start with a brief Sox Thawts entry... but trust me... this post promises to digress RAPIDLY...
Apparently I have jinxed our boys by assuring everyone that they will be competing in the post season... and even alluded to them making it to the "Fall Classic"... MY BAD !!!!!! "I take all that back !!!! I swear !!!! It Wasn't Me !!!" (Shaggy !!! - NO not THAT Shaggy!!) but, maybe a Scooby Snack will do the "trick" !!!!
The Sox' sweep in the Bronx took a "360".... actually, I guess that would be a "180".... but either way, it left me wondering whether our boys actually DO want to play next week or not. Couple that with the fact that they returned home to get annihilated by the .. uh, [FREAKING] Blue Jays, last night and ..... Tito's post-game comment was a classic , "Our bat's were just starting to heat up [when the rain caused the umps to call the game]"... PAHDON MOI ?!?!?! You're right... it had NOTHING to do with the score being 100 bazillion to nothing (ok, 11-3) after 5 innings, RIGHT TITO !?!?!?
I can't (uh ok, I WON'T) blame the fact that Josh Beckett was scratched from the start due to back spasms as I've been personally experiencing a pain in the arse lately (uh, sciatica anyone???) but c'mon !!!!!!!!! In the TRUE spirit of the Nation, do you REALLY want to limp into the play-offs !?!?!

Speaking of limp.... this entry was going to come later but... AND THE DIGRESSION BEGINS !!!
So, the TV was on "Spike" - I think - the other late night/early morning... you know, the INFOMERCIAL time slot... and speaking of, an infomercial comes on for "Extenz - natural male enhancement for that 'certain' part of the male body"... yeah yeah yeah, we all know what it does (uh, NOT by personal experience !!!) - you all know "Smiling Bob" from the Enzyte commercials right?!?!?!
Anyway, too lazy to find the remote and hotties galore on the commercial, I just left it on... much to my "surprise", it wasn't just a commercial for Extenz but for Extenz for Women... a female version... WOE WOE WOE... WTF !?!?!? If Extenz makes that certain part of a male larger, does Extenz for Women make HER corresponding part larger ???? WHAT !?!?!? At 3 am or so, THAT concept is just way too difficult to comprehend... Well, I guess if you think about it, if he's bigger.... BUT to the guys that are on the commercial... a little more focus on the "models" just may offer a bit of FREE natural male enhancement !!! Know what I mean ?!?!?!?

Ah Yes... SPIKE-TV... heh heh heh... Admittedly a favorite network of mine - currently second to NESN. Self-promoted as "Guy's Television"... I love this network ... Along with ALMOST being the exclusive network of Ultimate Fighting (UFC), you can also see shows like:

"1,000 Ways To Die" ... this show reveals the stupidity of the human race - and re-enacts actual ways people have died... like the sword-swallower that swallowed an umbrella and it OPENED in his throat.... or the tree worker that stuck his foot in a wood-chipper to free a branch... and they do it all in a sarcastic way... so you KNOW I'm hooked !!!!!!

"Disorderly Conduct"... similarly sarcastic... this show airs ACTUAL footage taken from police dashboard cams... and also focuses on how stupid a LOT of "criminals" are... like the guy they busted for DUI... uh, "vehicle" of choice was a horse... I guess that would actually be "Riding Under The Influence" !!!!!!!!! RUI ????

"MANswers"... ok, this one is funny AND sometimes "sick"... and I have NO idea where they come up with the questions that they feel they need to MANswer... I mean, I personally have never pondered what animal's reproductive anatomy most resembles that of a human woman's... uh, EEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW !!! someone gets paid for that ?!?!? But, I DID really "need" to know that a human can live on nothing but beer for 45 days... so wait, did they actually have someone die in testing this theory ??? I think I KNOW a future segment on "1,000 Ways To Die" !!!!

"Girls Gone Wild"... ok, I honestly don't get the point of this "show"... it seems more like an infomercial for their DVD "collection", although they claim to be searching for the hottest girl in America... the girls seem to enjoy personal-degradation to be "chosen", but they're "adults" and I'm a guy, so you won't get an argument from me ?!?!?!?... I wonder if the producers need help in their quest.....

Ha, but enough about Spike.... BLUnderdog !!! my personal version of the cartoon hero... my Beagle, Snoopy... or POOPY as I'm about to rename him !!!!!! I love him to death but where the [freak] he came up with this new routine, I will NEVER know...
Here's the scenario from today.... wake up.... go outside to go potty... come in side.... wait until John goes on his computer... TAKE A DUMP IN THE LIVING ROOM... go whine to John so he'll let me outside....
WOOOOOOOEEEEEE !?!?! WTF DOG !??!?!?!? SOMETHING is bass-ackwards here !!!!!!!!!! and THIS was a REPEAT "performance" from yesterday !!! I guess WE can't teach an old dog new tricks, but they can certainly teach themselves a thing or (number) 2 !!! But Snooper, do you REALLY think Sweet Polly Purebred will be impressed? I'M NOT !?!?!?!

Ok, ok, ok... I need to wrap this post up so one last thought.... I may have fallen into the latest and "greatest" online dating site... a Facebook friend had some post a couple of weeks ago about a dice game on Facebook named Farkle. So, always up for something new, I added this application and my Farkle "experience" commenced. Maybe I should have noticed that the actual URL of the game is "http://apps.facebook.com/hotdices/" ... kinda says a LOT....
Anyway, until you attain "pro" status, you can only play with yourself.... OHHHHH, THAT came out wrong !!!! Once you're a "pro", you can actually play head to head matches against other people.
After finally reaching pro status, I entered the world of 1 on 1 play.... mind you, this is a constantly moving dice game where each player has 30 seconds in between rolls of the dice. Total time for a game against someone may be 5 minutes tops.
Anyone that knows me from Texas Hold'Em knows that I am pretty sociable at the tables - ok, so I don't STFU !!!!! It DOES make the game more fun, RIGHT Hoop and GG !?!?!?
Anyway, apparently being friendly has it's ... uh, "benefits" when playing Farkle... or at least to the self-proclaimed "hot little red-head from GA"... It doesn't take a rocket scientist to follow her train of thought... "My hubby won't be home for 10 minutes", "I love morning sex" (uh, it was 10 am), "Let's get this party started before he gets home", "Are You Interested?" Ok, WAIIIIIT... Are You Interested IS a singles site on Facebook... perhaps she was "Lost in cyberSpace"... Will Robinson, Will Robinson - GREAT SHOW !!!!!!

I was honestly taken aback and wasn't about to play THAT game... I mean, even if I WERE interested..... less than 5 minutes during a constantly moving dice game ???? GEESH !!!! Hmmmm, perhaps if the situation arises again, I'll tell them it just isn't even close to being possible - I'm an Extenz user !!!!!.........

That's it for now. You know where to find me.... I'll be FARKLING !!!!!!!!!
AND I'll bet you're all "Ctrl C"/"Ctrl V"ing right now !!!!!!

Thanks for stopping in for a visit. It's just my opinion, so please PAHDON it. Y'all come back now, ya heah !! Nuf Ced


plainolebob said...

Man I thought the sox were out of it, but hey, I watched em play the yankees the other night.

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there is an inspiring piece for you.

plainolebob said...

ok now the real comment, very funny blog, punch line, just learning farkle, could be worse. lol

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